Tough Love

You know how before becoming parents, you say things like "Oh i'll never do this when i have kids"? Well good luck with that. Because trust me, you will do exactly what you say you never would. Parenting is really hard you guys. Sometimes we're caught between wanting to be our kids best friend but at the same time want to be firm and respected. So how do we find that balance? 

I can’t tell you what you should do as parents because different parents have different approach when it comes to raising their kids. I believe only parents know their kids better. But what i can share are the mistakes i’ve made time and time again throughout this journey called parenting. So i’ll share them here with hopes that it might be beneficial to anyone reading. Because sometimes we don't realize the things we do until someone points it out.

Mistake #1: Doing exactly what you tell your kids not to do. For example when my kids are shouting and asking for stuff, i always raise my voice even louder and tell them to be patient!! I know, big 🤦🏻‍♀️ right? How on earth am i supposed to teach them patience if i can’t show them how to keep calm and be patient myself.

Mistake #2: Blackmailing. For example, telling my daughter she can’t go to her grandma’s house if she doesn't tidy up her toys. 

Mistake #3: Guilt-tripping. I hate it when i don’t realize i’m doing this to my kids. When one of them does something bad, i’ll get angry and start yapping about how he/she could be doing this to me after all that i’ve done. I mean, what am i thinking? They're kids! At this age they don’t even have the slightest idea of what abstract reasoning is.

Mistake #4: Treating your kids as if you “own” them. As hard as this is to confess, i have been guilty of doing this to my kids. Just because we are their parents, and Islam says that our children should obey us, that does not mean we can dictate every single thing they do and leave no room for discussion. As parents i need to always remind myself that i need to respect my children and give them the freedom to voice out their opinions. There is no such thing as “i am the parent therefore you do whatever i tell you to, no questions asked.” I think a lot of (asian)parents especially from the older generations have this kind of mindset. We should be constantly reminded that when we make mistakes we need to brush off our ego and learn to apologize to our kids. They don't owe us anything and like everything in this world, they are blessings 'borrowed' to us by Allah and Allah can take them away from us anytime He wants.

What about you? What are the biggest struggles you've experienced with your kids? Do share with me!<3

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