On Reflecting

When you reach a certain age, I think it's only natural that you start to reflect on life and what you've accomplished. As I turn 30, i asked myself if i’ve reached my goals and am i happy with where im at in my life right now? To be honest? I’ve never felt more fulfilled. When I was younger, my only goal was to live a happy life. Sounds so simple right? Other people wanted to build empires and become CEOs in their company. All the power to them. I love seeing my friends and family become successful and chase their dreams. Of course i still have my own dreams. I want to have my own house in the country. The house would be designed by me(obviously!). And i want have a land big enough to breed my own chickens, cows, and plant my own fruits and veges. But for now I feel that I’ve achieved a lot, i live in a small, 3-bedroom, cozy home, i’m 100% debt/loan free, i have 3 healthy children, i’m healthy, i have a loving husband, and i have a stable income. Alhamdulillah. All praises to Allah. I don’t compare my life to others because we all live in different circumstances and we all have our own definition of happiness and success. I’m happy living a modest life. I try my best to spend in moderation, dress modestly, eat in moderation, speak in moderation, and basically live life to it’s most modest potential. 

Im at a point in my life where i do feel accomplished in all this worldly matters. However, i really feel like I’ve disappointed myself because i haven’t put enough effort in improving my iman & amal, for the hereafter. I don’t have that balance in my life right now. I feel like my iman is at my lowest, probably. I don’t remember the last time made doa and poured my heart out to Allah swt and feel the sweetness of that. I miss that so much.😢

I don’t know if it’s just me, but after 3 kids, i feel like it’s been even harder to push myself to find the time to perform any extra ibadah. I easily get distracted by my kids and end up neglecting whatever ibadah i initially planned on doing in the first place. Not to mention the amount of time i waste on the internet. My job requires me to be on my phone a lot, as i need to constantly attend to clients througout the day. Mommies, how do you manage and find the time for things like going for kelas agama or you know, just trying to finish reading a few pages of the quran in peace??(without being disrupted by your kids every few seconds) Please share with me!!

Scarf : Tudung People
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